i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
