and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
