Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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