Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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