He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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