I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
