that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
