forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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