even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
