I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
