I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
