it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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