its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
