Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
