He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
