she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
