I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
