2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Michael Bay diarrhea
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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