When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
