Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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