if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
