Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
