Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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