My sheets look like a crime scene.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
