dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thus making me awesome and them whores
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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