Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
