you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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