Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
