I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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