omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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