Your face is a jimmy john
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
