No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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