His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
