And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
