i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
