Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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