my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
