I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
