Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
