I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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