I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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