Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
