Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
