I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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