If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
