you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
