..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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