Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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