I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
