i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
