That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
